An Alopecia Journey

My Experience With Alopecia – The Ugly Truth

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It’s been three years since I started the journey to grow my hair back.  Many of you remember the video on youtube when I committed to taking care of my hair.  I had no plans to cut my locs but it was the path of least resistance for me so spontaneously on a Sunday afternoon I grabbed a pair of scissors and slowly began cutting them.  I didn’t feel like it was real.  I was almost numb.  All I kept thinking was this would give me easier access to my scalp – to heal it. I recall calling my daughters immediately and they came running when I yelled I’d cut off my hair. They were both very sad when they saw me and the older one yelled “Mommy, why did you do that?” They were only 4 and 8 years old and for them I destroyed my beautiful hair.  Children never seem to see the uglier side of things.  They didn’t realize I was really going bald.  They were shocked and for a moment I began regretting the big chop as I looked down and saw the bunch of locs that halved a plastic bag. However, I knew I’d done the right thing yet I barely recognized the person in the mirror.  I was ugly with short hair and my twisted front teeth (I got invasaligns after) were more obvious. I hated the way I looked.

I was desperate for my hair to grow back because I felt ugly without it and I was paranoid I may go completely bald because although I was taking care of my scalp and hair, I was loosing more hair. It got worse before it got better. As I exfoliated my scalp, the areas that were severely damaged began lifting and the hairs hanging on were falling. I knew it was good to get rid of that, but I was anxious and extremely hopeful because I was petrified people would notice the bald spots. 

The paranoia made way for depression and I felt myself heading down a dark path.  I was very embarrassed and as I hid my hair under my hats, but I was also hiding myself from the world.  I did not want to be seen so I became withdrawn.  I lost my confidence and I noticed my self esteem was very low.  The Alopecia was not only adding to the fuel but it was also highlighting the fact that I hadn’t been taking care of myself.  I asked myself questions like “How did you allow your hair to get this bad?”  What’s going on inside of your body” and I knew I needed a change.  I continued to upload videos on youtube because that was an outlet for me and the decision to document my journey was a way to force myself into staying committed to growing my hair back.  I had no idea that people would actually subscribe, comment and contact me but deep down I wanted to include others on my hair growth journey.  I wanted to hear the stories of others experiencing Alopecia but I had very little luck at first.  I was frustrated because I couldn’t find much videos or forums where people were sharing their Alopecia stories.   However, in time I realized that many were just too ashamed to publicly address their hair loss.  Eventually people began sending me private messages and they thanked me for being brave enough to show the condition of my hair because they didn’t feel they had the guts to and these people were generally excited for me as my hair began to grow.

I began appreciating my hair.  What may have seemed to be an Alopecia journey was actually a life lesson.  I had to appreciate what I had and who I am – with or without hair.  The universe was guiding me and one day I was watching a video on youtube by Djehuty Ma’at-Ra and he mentioned loving self.  He recommended listening to the likes of Abraham Hicks and Doreen Virture.  I listened keenly to his message and eventually stumbled upon Louis Haye whose work helped me to apply the law of attraction/self love into my life.  I needed to hear Djehuty’s message for certain.  He is best known for his health store Dherbs and his lengthy videos about nutrition but I needed to hear about self love.  I needed to begin loving and taking care of me. Ironically his youtube channel was shut down a few months later so I know that his message was delivered in a timely manner.  Djehuty had also stressed that scalp or skin issues are related to the blood so I knew I had to address that also.  I was able to watch many of his videos regarding ayurvedic herbs, moringa, MSM, etc. He really inspired me to research hair loss and as I write this I am thinking it would be great to thank him in person one day because he definitely lit a fire in me to get well.

I detoxed, cleansed, and built my blood and I worked on getting my mind right but it took some time.

My Youtube subscription list was growing more than I expected and the conversations with my subbies along with my efforts to love myself began to heal me.  I knew I was not alone anymore.  If I stayed away from youtube for a while, people would message me, ask for advice, or request an update.  I felt appreciated and supported so the depression faded.  I’m not sure where I would have headed otherwise so I’m thankful for my subscribers, you reading this blog post now, and anyone else who support me during my journey.

This post goes out to anyone who is struggling with hair loss.  Take it as a sign to improve your life.  Ask yourself questions the way I did and share your story with someone.  Once you begin talking about it a weight will be lifted off your shoulders to allow you to focus on finding the treatment(s) that may work for you.

Be strong and stay connected.

One Love 🙂


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